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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has long been the reliable retreat in everyday journalism, and writers stay alert regarding memorable lavatory incidents and historic moments, particularly within football. It was quite amusing to discover that Big Website columnist a famous broadcaster possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs at his home. Spare a thought regarding the Barnsley supporter who took the rest room a little too literally, and was rescued from the vacant Barnsley ground following dozing off in the toilet midway through a 2015 losing match by Fleetwood. “He had no shoes on and couldn't find his phone and his headwear,” explained a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And everyone remembers at the pinnacle of his career with Manchester City, the controversial forward visited a nearby college for toilet purposes in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, before entering and requesting directions to the restrooms, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a pupil informed local Manchester media. “Later he simply strolled around the college grounds as if he owned it.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as England manager after a brief chat within a restroom stall alongside FA executive David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, following that infamous 1-0 defeat against Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the historic stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, his private Football Association notes, he stepped into the wet troubled England locker room immediately after the match, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams energized, the two stars urging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies found him slumped – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, whispering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Stopping Keegan, Davies tried desperately to save the circumstance.

“What place could we identify for a private conversation?” recalled Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Just a single choice remained. The lavatory booths. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history took place in the vintage restrooms of a venue scheduled for destruction. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I shut the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I cannot inspire the squad. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

Consequently, Keegan quit, eventually revealing he viewed his tenure as national coach “soulless”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It's a tremendously tough role.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers have long disappeared, while a German now sits in the dugout where Keegan once perched. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Real-Time Coverage

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for Women’s Bigger Cup updates from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Daily Quotation

“There we stood in a long row, wearing only our undergarments. We were the continent's finest referees, top sportspeople, examples, adults, parents, strong personalities with strong principles … however all remained silent. We hardly glanced at one another, our gazes flickered a bit nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina inspected us completely with a freezing stare. Mute and attentive” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures referees were previously subjected to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What’s in a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss called ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to take care of the first team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles.

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and awarded some merch, I have decided to put finger to keypad and make a pithy comment. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the schoolyard with youngsters he anticipated would defeat him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|